Betrayal is inevitable as we open ourselves to life experiences. It’s perhaps a topic we’d not like to talk about because it involves so much pain, confusion and at times resentment towards the other person and ourselves. Betrayal can happen in many different contexts. It can be in a romantic relationship, between friends and at work as well. I am lucky to have experienced it in all the three spheres of life. It’s not to be taken lightly as it can be destabilizing and can cause serious long-term trauma. In Dante’s Inferno which is about the nine circles of torment located within earth, Treachery was the highest in the hierarchy of hell. Hence, it’s the worst thing to happen to us, humans. I must admit, from personal experience that between chronic illness and a heartbreak, there’s not much difference.
A quick Fact about relationships
Most relationships break up between 3 to 5 months from the day they begin. This is because the chemical disbalance in the brain wears out over time and the two people start to see each other as they truly are. Hence, if your heartbreak fits this time frame, get over it. It was a fantasy even if the pain is real.
Some stats on heartbreak
39% of people in the US and 33% of people in the UK have experienced a heartbreak. Emotional pain for Women: Men is 6.84:6.58 and Physical pain for Women: Men is 4.21:3.75.This means that Women feel more Emotional and Physical pain during a break up. According to Craig Morris, research associate from Binghamton University, women recover fully and come out stronger emotionally while men never fully recover. Women usually have a bigger support network and they can easily find a shoulder to cry on and come back to reality. Men are supposed to suck it up and the survey showed that most men cope by being at the Pub or partying and never really face what happened and come in terms with reality.
Facing reality through self-reflection
I never develop resentment towards people because I am highly critical to me. I think everything is my fault. This helped me to develop a thick skin and face parts of us we’d be afraid of exploring. I have created some questions which will be helpful to you as you get over this difficult phase of your life. First, it’s important to be grounded before we do this exercise. Some breathing technique which slows us down and help us see things from a detached manner as an observer is very important here.
Make a list of the most painful episodes you have lived.
- Explore your vulnerabilities. Why have you suffered?
- What illusions about life and people have you lost?
- What knowledge about life or people have you gained?
- What knowledge have you gained which will replace the illusion?
- How can I make this knowledge useful so that it prepares me for the future?
I have also created a series of podcasts on this theme which can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnvbkL93Nrk&t=3s
I hope that you found this useful.
Take care,
Geerish.
Suuko's Spiritual page 